How do I get a borderline partner into therapy?

I had an 8-yr relationship with a high-functioning BP living together. After he left me (or rather he induced me to kick him out) in Feb (13th time we broke up in the last 3 yrs), I discovered he probably had BP. His psychologist confirmed all the symptoms but refused to put a label. My BP had often described them to me (love-hate, sense of inadequacy, idolization of me, inability to manage emotions...). Now however he refuses to go into therapy. His father is dying and I suspect he can't deal with the emotional impact. Although he moved out (5 min from our house), he's constantly around. But says it doesn't want to be back in the relationship for fear of engulfment/abandonment. Also refuses intimacy because that would make him uncapable of keeping things under control. I can see he still loves me deeply, and so do I him, and he doesn't say he doesn't. But the word relationship/couple makes him shudder. I think we can only move forward if he goes into therapy but he says he can't now. Please tell me what to do. I am going insane. And my daughter and his son too. It looks as if he would be back anytime but declares he never will be back with me. And yet he can't let me go.